Covid-19 The First Four Weeks

I take pride in the fact that I handle my anxiety disorder very well at this point in my life. But guess what this pandemic has flipped my world upside down and given me a few panic attacks.





The first few days of the pandemic are a blur and were spent figuring out what we needed around the house to change our way of life. My family was not ready for social isolation. We were already in the midst of a crazy beautiful time period of our lives. In December we decided it was the right time to sell our house. Our house sold in January without us having a new one to move into yet. This was all part of the plan. We had made the decision to sell and move into a camper until we found our dream home. Now let's fast forward to March, still living in a camper and waiting on our new house to be built. This was not part of the plan. We fell in love with a neighborhood that didn't have the right house built for us yet. Then we fell in love with a model home. So that's how in April as I type this I'm still living in a camper waiting on our dream home to be built in our dream neighborhood during a world pandemic.





After the shock and spending the first few days in a blur. Came the next couple weeks where I was spending a good amount of the day with heightened anxiety. Very little energy to do anything but also the drive and determination to create my family's new normal. Basically I was faking it until I make it. This time period is where I had most of my panic attacks. On the outside I looked calm and like I knew what I was doing. But in my head I was a hot mess. The constant fear of the unknown, the fear of the known. Looking back now I realize this was just a step I had to take. It was a part of my healing process because let's face it we have all lost something to this pandemic. Covid-19 broke me and it's not over yet it could very well break me again before it's all over. This does not mean I'm not strong, it simply puts me back in place and reminds me I am human and not all things are in my control.





Somewhere in week three I started focusing on what I could control. I started looking for the things I love most about self isolation. I was surprised to find there are more things I like then dislike. At this point we are in week four and I feel like I have found my peace in the chaos. I’m not naive and I know it could be short lived. But for now I’m enjoying the calm.





My advice to anyone who is in search of their peace in all this chaos. Is to go with the flow, let yourself feel your emotions and grow from them.