It's Okay To Be Angry

“You need to forgive and stop being so angry or you're never going to be able to heal.” This was what I was told one day when I was venting about how I felt. I know this person was just trying to help and tell me what they thought was best and I am all for that woman supporting other women. But at that moment I just needed to know that what I was feeling is a valid way to feel. So their reaction to me made me even angrier. This anger was a Deep inside soul crushing anger. It was not directed at this person as a matter of fact I didn't even tell them how their comment made me feel. I just said okay and that I had to get off the phone.



But what I felt was like someone was inside my body scratching away at my insides with a safety pin just trying to kill little pieces of me as slow as they could to make sure I felt every little stab. Dramatic right… I know just trying to paint a picture here. I wanted to scream but not some high pitch cute girly scream. I’m talking about one of those deep tones, long lasting screams that almost sounds like a howl from an aching wolf. But even though I felt this way, I couldn't even catch enough breath to do it. All I was capable of was laying on the ground in the fetal position and crying.



Do you know the phrase ugly cry? Yeah that’s what it was. As I’m laying there raccoon eyes, snot running down my face, and not able to catch my breath. My husband walked in, at that moment I knew how bad I truly looked. I don’t mean appearance I mean my state of mind and how fragile I appeared. The look on his face made me feel both comfort and pain. I knew he was there 100 percent to do whatever I needed. But it also hurt me that once again he was about to help me fight my past demons.



You see up until this point I thought being angry made me weak and I am not a weak person. So I wouldn't really allow myself to feel anger.



Then finally at age 30 It hit me…When I say it hit me I mean a dump truck cruising down the road going 50 mph straight to the face type hit me. I was angry! But It's also okay to let myself be angry. It’s an emotion just like all the others, it’s just not a glamorous one. Glamorous or not though it is a normal everyday emotion I am allowing myself to have. It’s important that I don't let it take over my life. But it’s also important I don't just ignore it.



The next person that tells me I need to forgive and not be angry might be throat punched! Okay not really but I might really fantasize about them hitting their toe on a door frame.



All this to say that if you want to be angry be angry. I’ll be here to support you in all your glorious anger and tell you that it's okay to feel anger.



I believe if you don't let yourself work through the anger it's never really going to go away. You'll just bury it deep inside. Then one day it's going to be your dump truck to the face just like it was for me.



It's important that in a time of anger we don't focus only on the anger because that will put us on an unhealthy track. Focus on the good things going on around you and find cheerful emotions as will. I don't want you falling into a deep dark anger black hole.